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#1 OFFLINE   Sussex Pete

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 02:48 PM

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says,

'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession.

 

Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years .

 

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says,

'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, I cannot hold your past against you,

in fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'

 

She said 'I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played for England. :oops: 

 


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#2 OFFLINE   forkbender

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 04:12 PM

haha....you gonna tell it to "Pitbull"?....not me!


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#3 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 04:18 PM

OMG, hahaha. :gathering: :gathering: :gathering:


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#4 OFFLINE   Warrior

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 04:28 PM

:gathering:    :twoup:


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#5 OFFLINE   NZTIGUAN

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 09:24 PM

Believe it or not, many years ago when I was in the local Rotary Club, we had an American exchange student stay with us for four months.  A friend of hers (also an exchange student from America) was staying with another family in another town.  She arrived from America on a Saturday and at 2am on Sunday morning the entire household was up watching a test match between the ABs and France (played in France).  The student got redder and redder in the face as time went by and come half-time finally burst out with "SERIOUSLY, have both of the teams got a hooker in there when they do that scum thing" ?????  That story is one of the many classics that's told over and over in Rotary circles !!

 

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#6 OFFLINE   madscientist

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 08:22 AM

ah, the joys of the English language. My wife runs an after school class teaching English (maths and science as well) to a wide age range and one of the exercises we provide assists with the rich vocabulary of our language.  It is amazing how many words have more than one meaning - hooker being an example but not one we are likely to come across in our class much :)

 

Good story NZTIGUAN. Mind you, having seen some scrums I can understand your visitors confusion!


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#7 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 11:28 AM

Ah yes, the joys of the English language. True story here when I wanted to name our third child John after my Dad.

 

I happened to like the name John. So, when my wife was pregnant with our third, it was agreed that if it was a boy, we’d name him John. Now, my wife is from an Italian background, did all her schooling in French and thus was not familiar with all our little English expressions. So, we are sitting watching a movie on TV when one of the characters gets up and says, “I’m going to the JOHN”. My wife looks at me and says, “What does that mean?” I say, It means he’s going to the toilet. Well, she says, I’m not naming my son after a toilet. I finally convince her this expression isn’t used too much these days! Ya, right.

 

So, fast forward a couple of weeks and we are watching the 6 o’clock news on TV. On comes a report talking about hookers and their JOHNS. Well, today we have our son Steven.

 

Cheers!


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#8 OFFLINE   madscientist

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 01:00 PM

On the subject of Johns, you might liken this - it explains how the toilet became called the "john".

 

http://www.todayifou...-called-a-john/

 

interesting read.


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#9 OFFLINE   mickjane2

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 01:01 PM

Ah yes, the joys of the English language. True story here when I wanted to name our third child John after my Dad.

 

I happened to like the name John. So, when my wife was pregnant with our third, it was agreed that if it was a boy, we’d name him John. Now, my wife is from an Italian background, did all her schooling in French and thus was not familiar with all our little English expressions. So, we are sitting watching a movie on TV when one of the characters gets up and says, “I’m going to the JOHN”. My wife looks at me and says, “What does that mean?” I say, It means he’s going to the toilet. Well, she says, I’m not naming my son after a toilet. I finally convince her this expression isn’t used too much these days! Ya, right.

 

So, fast forward a couple of weeks and we are watching the 6 o’clock news on TV. On comes a report talking about hookers and their JOHNS. Well, today we have our son Steven.

 

Cheers!

 

Isn't that the start of a native American joke.

 Hey dad why did you call my sister Running Deer "well my son I our family we have a tradition that when a mother gives birth to a child the first thing I  saw as I left the Teepee was a running deer" . And what about my little brother Soaring Eagle. "Same again as I left the Teepee the first thing I spotted was an Eagle in the sky, Why do you keep asking me all these questions Two Dogs F*c*ng".

 

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#10 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 01:06 PM

Isn't that the start of a native American joke. Hey dad why did you call my sister Running Deer "well my son when your mother gave birth to her the first thing I  saw as I left the Teepee was a running deer" . And what about my little brother Sawing Eagle. "Same again as I left the Teepee the first thing I spotted was an Eagle in the sky, Why do you keep asking me all these questions Two Dogs F*c*ng".

 

Mick

One of my fav jokes, hahaha.


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#11 OFFLINE   mickjane2

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 01:08 PM

I fell out my crib when I first heard it.


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#12 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 01:15 PM

On the subject of Johns, you might liken this - it explains how the toilet became called the "john".

 

http://www.todayifou...-called-a-john/

 

interesting read.

Interesting read indeed. Also found this one quite interesting as well >>> http://www.todayifou...y-20th-century/ .

 

Cheers!


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#13 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 01:17 PM

I fell out my crib when I first heard it.

They had cribs back then, hahaha? ;-)


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#14 OFFLINE   NZTIGUAN

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 08:57 PM

Here we go again !!! a CRIB here in the South Island of NZ is a small holiday home, in the North Island it's the more common "batch".  I assume the Crib comes from some Scottish word or saying as most of this area has Scottish origins, guess I'll have to look it up now !!!

 

Cheers

 

UPDATE:  Well at least I've found proof that I'm not talking "tripe" !!!   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bach_(New_Zealand)

 

Further update:  It appears to be a small building or crude cottage all right   http://www.thefreedictionary.com/crib


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#15 OFFLINE   forkbender

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 09:09 PM

Here we go again !!! a CRIB here in the South Island of NZ is a small holiday home, in the North Island it's the more common "batch".  

 

Cheers

I always thought in your north island the holiday home was a Bach (ie short for bachelor?) ie bachelor pads for workers?


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#16 OFFLINE   NZTIGUAN

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 09:21 PM

I always thought in your north island the holiday home was a Bach (ie short for bachelor?) ie bachelor pads for workers?

 

 

You're quite correct, just my ^&_)_))( spelling !!!!

 

Cheers


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#17 OFFLINE   madscientist

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 09:27 PM

We lived in Scotland for 3 years in the 1980's (and SWMBO is a Scot). I kept hearing people "going for their messages" and I assumed (this was pre mass email days remember) that they were nipping down to the post office to see if any telegrams had arrived.

 

Nope: They were going to the corner shop/supermarket to buy their groceries.


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#18 OFFLINE   Pieman

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 11:08 PM

We lived in Scotland for 3 years in the 1980's (and SWMBO is a Scot). I kept hearing people "going for their messages" and I assumed (this was pre mass email days remember) that they were nipping down to the post office to see if any telegrams had arrived.

 

Nope: They were going to the corner shop/supermarket to buy their groceries.

This made me smile as I was often sent for the messages.

 

You still hear "messages" being used, but mainly by the older generation - now we go for the "shopping".

 

Here's a link about the Scots word "messages" -  "http://piningforthew...or-my-messages/  

 

On a point of interest the PO stopped telegrames in 1982 but I'll bet that some people were still "away for the messages".


 

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#19 OFFLINE   NZTIGUAN

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Posted 22 August 2013 - 11:20 PM

Yep messages was used in my youth but I'd quite forgotten about it to be honest.

 

Cheers


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