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#721 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 26 November 2020 - 04:33 PM

Attached File  J-13.JPG   61.81KB   2 downloads

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"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure."

 

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#722 ONLINE   mike2020

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Posted 26 November 2020 - 08:20 PM

I can only praise my neighbour - he so abhors his wife's shopaholic habits, that while she's out maxing the credit card, he converts his house into a religious revival centre for young girls.

 

I know this because every few minutes I hear shouts of "Jesus, I'm coming".


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#723 OFFLINE   mickjane2

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 07:40 AM

Rude so very rude but I like it lol


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#724 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 02:28 PM

I can only praise my neighbour - he so abhors his wife's shopaholic habits, that while she's out maxing the credit card, he converts his house into a religious revival centre for young girls.

I know this because every few minutes I hear shouts of "Jesus, I'm coming".

Sunday morning lie in rota means that Dad has to get up first to set up young daughter in front of TV with breakfast etc. Dad is horrified to see that the pet rabbit has died overnight and decides to provide a gentle explanation to his young daughter. 'The rabbit is going to live with Jesus in Heaven'

'But why is the rabbit lying on its back with it's legs in the air?' asks the daughter
'So that Jesus can reach down from Heaven and lift the rabbit up by its legs,'replies Dad, proud of his adlib

Monday evening Dad returns from work to find daughter sobbing inconsolably
'Whatever is the matter?' he asks

'Mummy nearly died this afternoon,' she replies, 'I got home from School early and saw Mummy with her legs in the air, shouting 'Oh Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming!', 'and if it wasn't for the Builder throwing himself across Mummy so that Jesus couldn't lift her by the legs, we would have lost her ...'

Steve

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#725 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 02:41 PM

Mrs M used her most alluring tone last night, saying, 'Come with me upstairs and I'll put on that Black Lace number ...'

 

'No thanks,' I replied, 'I hate Agadoo' ...

 

Steve


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#726 OFFLINE   mickjane2

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 03:29 PM

So where did you push your pineapple then


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#727 ONLINE   Roy03

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 04:22 PM

Probably the same place you kept your bunch of grapes Mick!

 

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#728 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 05:48 PM

So where did you push your pineapple then


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Into a dark place that smells rank ... But, after I've finished the decorating, I'll clean the potting shed out and fit a window :razz:

 

Steve


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#729 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 05:55 PM

Rude so very rude but I like it lol


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Julian & Sandy sketch on a cruise disaster:

 

'So, were you dragged up on deck?'

 

'Naw, just dressed normally ... Ooh enne bold, Jules?'

 

'Well did they throw you a bouy when you were thrashing in the water?' ...

 

No, duckie, but I could see the possibilities ...' :roll:

 

Steve


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#730 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 09:15 PM

Attached File  J-14.JPG   34.36KB   3 downloads

(click on pic)


Current: 2020 VW Atlas Cross Sport - Comfortline 3.6L in Pacific Blue

Previous: 2018 R-Line 4MO in Platinum Grey Metallic with Two Tone Saffrano Orange and Black Interior.

Previous: 2015 Trendline 4MOTION dressed in Pure White with Convenience Package. .
Previous: 2011 Tiguan Comfortline/SE 2.0T 4MOTION in White Gold with Sport Package.
The Tiggy Map of the World: http://www.zeemaps.c...&y=-1.4061&z=15
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"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure."

 

Montreal, Quebec (Canada) post-3541-0-50538200-1530623199.gif Member of the ROFC.


#731 ONLINE   mike2020

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 11:19 PM

Julian & Sandy sketch on a cruise disaster:

 

'So, were you dragged up on deck?'

 

'Naw, just dressed normally ... Ooh enne bold, Jules?'

 

'Well did they throw you a bouy when you were thrashing in the water?' ...

 

No, duckie, but I could see the possibilities ...' :roll:

 

Steve

That's a rave from the grave, Steve - used to listen to it all through the 60s


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#732 ONLINE   IggytheTiggy

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 04:02 AM

Well the new neighbors are The Halls... When do I go over and deck them with this Holly I got today.
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#733 OFFLINE   mickjane2

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 01:42 PM

That's a rave from the grave, Steve - used to listen to it all through the 60s

And me just loved around the Horn with Kenneth Horn every Sunday lunch time.

Mick


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#734 OFFLINE   Old Dog

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 02:03 PM

Attached File  J-15.JPG   44.37KB   2 downloads

(click on pic)


Current: 2020 VW Atlas Cross Sport - Comfortline 3.6L in Pacific Blue

Previous: 2018 R-Line 4MO in Platinum Grey Metallic with Two Tone Saffrano Orange and Black Interior.

Previous: 2015 Trendline 4MOTION dressed in Pure White with Convenience Package. .
Previous: 2011 Tiguan Comfortline/SE 2.0T 4MOTION in White Gold with Sport Package.
The Tiggy Map of the World: http://www.zeemaps.c...&y=-1.4061&z=15
How to add yourself to the Tiggy Map: https://www.mytiguan...></span></span>
VCDS Members' Locator Map: https://www.zeemaps....=53.883275&z=15

Glossary of Abbreviations: https://www.mytiguan...-abbreviations/

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure."

 

Montreal, Quebec (Canada) post-3541-0-50538200-1530623199.gif Member of the ROFC.


#735 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 07:07 PM

And me just loved around the Horn with Kenneth Horn every Sunday lunch time.

Mick


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Favourite Jules & Sandy sketch was the one where Julian was hoping to become an MP ...

 

'Don't stand out 'ere, Mr Horn; come inside and shake hands with your prospective Member ...' :roll:

 

Steve


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#736 ONLINE   mike2020

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 10:04 PM

Well, 'ello. Stevie & Micky, I see you are up with the Palari so it's a shame not to vada your jolly old eek, and vice versa no doubt with my lallies being my best feature - hope the palones doesn't mind a little innuendo but I think that's still banned in some places.

 

For non-Brit members, yes, we are completely mad.


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#737 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 11:31 PM

Well, 'ello. Stevie & Micky, I see you are up with the Palari so it's a shame not to vada your jolly old eek, and vice versa no doubt with my lallies being my best feature - hope the palones doesn't mind a little innuendo but I think that's still banned in some places.

 

For non-Brit members, yes, we are completely mad.

'Ere, Jules. Ain't that innuendo an Italian suppository?'

 

'Ooh, do hope not not, Sandy, I've just swallowed 3 ... Thought they were taking a long time to work ...'

 

Steve


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#738 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 11:33 PM

My granddad's just told us he's an addict. Seems he's hooked on *ra

 

Grandma is devastated; she's taking it really hard .... :roll:

 

Steve


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#739 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 30 November 2020 - 06:43 PM

Interesting piece of trivia; English footballer Danny Welbeck has a father who was a Bomb Disposal Expert. His name was Stan ... Boom boom [cried those who didn't] :roll:

 

Steve


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#740 OFFLINE   marchie

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Posted 04 December 2020 - 06:56 PM

I cannot copy the graphic from the original post, so you'll just have to imagine the car display ...

 

Panicking lady rings the local garage ia state of distress. 'I think my car's software has been hacked, there's a picture appeared on the screen of a man having a crap'

 

The puzzled Service Manager asks the lady to txt him a screenshot on her mobile and he will investigate urgently and call her back.

 

15 minutes later, he calls the lady: 'Your vehicle software hasn't been hacked, and there's no man having a crap; the outside temperature is 4 degrees celsius' .. :roll:

 

Steve.


Steve BOFC, OFC, MOG and barred from most things





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